Thursday, February 3, 2011


I know... its a terrible photo of a photo that was victimized by one of her brothers. I think it might have been from 8th grade step-up.
Hard to tell at this point.

I have a good friend who is going through divorce.
She is brighter than I was.
She is doing it in a timely manor, unlike me who took ten years of separation before I got my actual divorce.
By the time I got around to it, I was just desperate to get on with my life... all the inner processes of ending a long term relationship had pretty much run its course.

However, I do recall those unpleasant processes well.
I was fortunate that my kids stepped up to the plate and took over some of my needs. Simple touch for one. The hugs, pecks on the cheek, a light touch of a hand on your shoulder. The kind of affection that everyone needs and has nothing to do with sex.
Companionship, conversation.
All requirements of mentally healthy people.

I think a great deal about my friend right now and how difficult the process can be. I tried to think back on what helped me.
Beyond a shadow of a doubt, it was my kids.
Both the Bear and Max became very huggie.
Squeaky on the other hand would see me coming toward him with the intention of getting a hug and put up his hand saying
"No touching! No touching!"
Don't let that fool you. He always hugged with a smile despite the protest.

All were excellent listeners, though I tried not to talk about mom vs dad. That's not okay or fair to the kids. Boo took care of things... leaky faucets, etc. All were very protective.

But there was one thing that really helped a lot.
It is silly, but true.
Bear would crawl into bed with me. We'd watch Conan or something on TV. Then, we'd tell stories. Mine were very involved.
(You know how chatty I can be!)
When it was Bear's turn, she told the same story every time.
It never failed to make me laugh or to help me to fall asleep.
It went like this:

"I had a parrot. His name was Polly.
One day his head fell off.
So I taped it back on.
The end."

I find that I still tell myself that story when I feel down or blue or have trouble falling asleep. The words in my head always ring in the Bear's voice. It still makes me laugh and smile.

BTW, I know she got inspiration for it from Dumb and Dumber.
It doesn't matter.
Whatever does the trick.

Have a great day wherever you are... under piles of snow, slushing through rain or under a bright and sunny sky like me today.
I hope you stop and think about those folk who
are always there... in person or only their voice in your head...
who make your life full of joy.
Be thankful.