Thursday, September 9, 2010


This was a wonderful fresh grilled tuna sandwich.
Okay so the last few days I've been doing the "Fearful Shuffle"... AKA "Turkey Trots, Backing Up the Porcelain Bus, and the Ut-Ohs".
I am glad to say that its over now and I am once more as functional as I get.
Of course I managed to pass it on to poor Randy.
But that's what he gets for laughing at me and saying he's not "a-scared" of my germs when I was avoiding passing it on.
Be careful what you wish for.
On an equally frustrating subject... my name...
having a name has become quite a problem.
In that according to the decree set in the grand court of Hood River Oregon, I am known legally by my maiden name.

Yeah... except that my license says my married name.
My last employer is going by my maiden name.
Like wise, my insurance company, who sends me nice fat checks when I turn receipts in... and I do!
But my only bank account, the DMV, the IRS and SSI has my married name.
This you probably recall me bitching about in the past.
I tell you now, that being "me" has become somewhat of a monster!
Its a name game that is driving me mad.
Employers, banks... any reputable place wants to see my ID.  And it does not match up.
I have taken to carrying my divorce decree.
How weird is that?

I am waiting on California to get around to sending my birth certificate.  When it did not show, I contacted them.
I consider this important.
They don't.
In fact, they have lost my request and my money.
Someone is looking into it.
They have me by the short and curlies.

Because I am not frustrated enough by life in general, I compounded the name game by adding in a new player... marriage license.
I explained to the woman that I am inquiring at this point to see what ID I need.
She giggled when I asked if they would accept my current ID... though not my current legal name...
if I brought my divorce decree.
She said:
"Are  you sure you want to get married again so soon?" then laughed out loud.
I was not amused.

It boils down to this;
in order to get married and change my name to Randy's... I have to first change my ex-married name to my maiden name and then change it to Randy's name.

Its like a bad children's rhyme.

There was an old woman who got a divorce...
a divorce?  Of course!  She got a divorce!
She changed her name from S to K...
From S to K?  Well that's the way!  She changed her name from S to K!
She went to the DMV... To get herself free, to get herself free she went to the DMV.
They sent her to SSI... to SSI the first part of the pie.
The first part of the pie... oh my, how many pieces of pie!
From SSI to CA... to certify that she was once born with that name... To get back to the name she was born with in CA!

I could go on but you have to be bored by now and you get the picture.

I decided to alter the rhyme that is driving me bat shit and go to one of the more expensive online birth certificate producers.
They're faster, they're just as certifiable and  golly...
I still like me.
Whoever the heck I am.
Maybe then I can cash or deposit a check without having to sign it over to the "order of Randy".
Not that I don't trust him.  What's mine is his and what's his is mine.
That is beside the point.

Like Pinoccio...
Someday I want to be real too.

Has anyone seen that dratted fairy?


  1. Please tell me that's a roasted pepper on that sandwich and not a piece of cheese?

    I'm sorry for your troubles but your rhyme made me laugh. Not as hard as "Euglena," but close.

    Hell, "Euglena" still pops into my head every now and then and gives me a chuckle... usually when a female-type-person-of-the-opposite-gender is irritating me, perhaps fumbling through her enormous purse in the checkout line, as if it has just dawned on her that she has to pay for all that stuff, then following that with a second rummage to find exact change, then dropping her phone, breaking it, and crouching to look for the pieces, which probably wouldn't have happened if she hadn't been talking on the phone all this time.

    Yep. Let's call her "Euglena."

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  3. Damn it. Sorry about that but I need to edit my comments before I hit post comment. Anyway I meant to say sorted instead of started. Well I hope it all gets sorted out soon and you have a few less things to worry about. Take care and have a wonderful weekend.

  4. Well, I think this is the part where I say, "I told you so."

    But I do like the poem.

  5. Cricket-- Do you love roasted orange peppers? It is cheese and I wasn't all that happy with it. A lovely roasted orange pepper would have been a perfect compliment (and perhaps a little H sauce?)

    I'm certain THAT woman is Euglena!

  6. Shife-- Thanks. It will.

    As for post editing, well, I'm just as guilty as you. Sometimes I go back to read the response and see that what I think I wrote and what I actually wrote are two different things. hee hee

  7. laughing-- Glad you like the poem.
    You were right.

  8. I often miss my original name, but I seem to lack the initiative to get it back...and now I can see what I'd be in for. I appreciate knowing all that though, so if I do make a change, I won't be surprised :-) And if I do, I hope I have the cleverness at hand to make a rhyme of it!!!

    PS- Glad you are feeling better.

  9. I have the same issue. I just hyphenated my name at the bank and on credit cards. My driver's license has my married name (legal), but for everything else I use my maiden name. Of course, I won't probably get married again, so that shouldn't be a problem. Ha ha.

  10. If I had to do it over, I wouldn't have changed my na,e when I married. If I ever decide to get married again, I'm sticking with my current name because it was a royal pain to switch.

  11. laura b.-- I sure learned the hard way on this one.

  12. Churlita-- That was smart. Maybe I can do that temporarily until this all gets cleared up.

    You know a year ago I'd have said I'd never get married again. Just saying...

  13. secret agent woman-- I can understand that. I'd just keep my maiden name but its so scary. Ha.

  14. oh lordy, what a pain in the rump! as for cricket's comment on euglena....well, that was my nickname in high school... i kid you not!

  15. I'm writing this on Tuesday, the 14th because I got sick Thursday night with a gastrointinal bug and was sick all weekend! You must have passed it on to me via the Internet ;-)

    As far as the tuna sammich goes, I would vote for a big slice of red onion and banana peppers and hold the cheese. Only this past weekend, just picturing this sandwich would've made me run gagging to the bathroom. Ugh. I hate being sick, but especially sick to my stomach.

    I hope you get the name situation sorted out soon. It's such a hassle dealing with the government agencies.

    Anyway, I'm off to read the rest of the posts I missed.