This was a wonderful fresh grilled tuna sandwich.
Okay so the last few days I've been doing the "Fearful Shuffle"... AKA "Turkey Trots, Backing Up the Porcelain Bus, and the Ut-Ohs".
I am glad to say that its over now and I am once more as functional as I get.
Of course I managed to pass it on to poor Randy.
But that's what he gets for laughing at me and saying he's not "a-scared" of my germs when I was avoiding passing it on.
Be careful what you wish for.
On an equally frustrating subject... my name...
having a name has become quite a problem.
In that according to the decree set in the grand court of Hood River Oregon, I am known legally by my maiden name.
Yeah... except that my license says my married name.
My last employer is going by my maiden name.
Like wise, my insurance company, who sends me nice fat checks when I turn receipts in... and I do!
But my only bank account, the DMV, the IRS and SSI has my married name.
This you probably recall me bitching about in the past.
I tell you now, that being "me" has become somewhat of a monster!
Its a name game that is driving me mad.
Employers, banks... any reputable place wants to see my ID. And it does not match up.
I have taken to carrying my divorce decree.
How weird is that?
I am waiting on California to get around to sending my birth certificate. When it did not show, I contacted them.
I consider this important.
In fact, they have lost my request and my money.
Someone is looking into it.
They have me by the short and curlies.
Because I am not frustrated enough by life in general, I compounded the name game by adding in a new player... marriage license.
I explained to the woman that I am inquiring at this point to see what ID I need.
She giggled when I asked if they would accept my current ID... though not my current legal name...
if I brought my divorce decree.
"Are you sure you want to get married again so soon?" then laughed out loud.
I was not amused.
It boils down to this;
in order to get married and change my name to Randy's... I have to first change my ex-married name to my maiden name and then change it to Randy's name.
Its like a bad children's rhyme.
There was an old woman who got a divorce...
a divorce? Of course! She got a divorce!
She changed her name from S to K...
From S to K? Well that's the way! She changed her name from S to K!
She went to the DMV... To get herself free, to get herself free she went to the DMV.
They sent her to SSI... to SSI the first part of the pie.
The first part of the pie... oh my, how many pieces of pie!
From SSI to CA... to certify that she was once born with that name... To get back to the name she was born with in CA!
I could go on but you have to be bored by now and you get the picture.
I decided to alter the rhyme that is driving me bat shit and go to one of the more expensive online birth certificate producers.
They're faster, they're just as certifiable and golly...
I still like me.
Whoever the heck I am.
Maybe then I can cash or deposit a check without having to sign it over to the "order of Randy".
Not that I don't trust him. What's mine is his and what's his is mine.
That is beside the point.
Someday I want to be real too.
Has anyone seen that dratted fairy?