Wednesday, February 10, 2010



Squeaky moved out today.  I have waited a long time for this… to reclaim my independence and be a single person without obligations in tow.  Oh, Max and Lorn are both still here temporarily.  But they are adults.  They come and go as they please and I do not keep tabs on them.  They will wander on their way as opportunity arrives.  Both leave for extended periods to stay elsewhere.

It feels funny.  Not hahahaha… but ODD.  I have gone through so many changes this past year.  Married to single.  Not dating to dating.  Lots of physical and emotional changes.  You know that I am contemplating a move.  Yet I have kept my balance through all of that.  No problem.  I was moving forward instead of standing still.

I would be a liar if I did not say that this event… Squeaky making his move for adulthood… has not thrown my balance off.  I was expecting it in June.  I had in mind a nice family BBQ to celebrate his last evening at home with fare thee well wishes and laughter. 

Today he moved out quietly while I was at work, oblivious.  Oh, Bear informed me last night that it was happening.  That they wanted to keep him and he wanted to stay.  I agreed.  Still, I did not expect it to happen this way.  The heart is a funny thing.

It is beyond any doubt the best thing for him.  He has lacked a male influence in his life that I cannot give.  Mikey P will fill that void.  He will not spoil him.  He will make him toe the line.  He will finish teaching him how to drive and make sure that he gets a license.  Tomorrow (or is it today Bear?) they are signing him up for college and they will take care that he does the work to get his financial aid.  He will begin college at spring term.  Cool beans! 

I know that he will be safe in that healthy household.  I know that there will be curfews.  Good rules.  I know he will make friends that I do not know for the first time in his life.  Maybe he will meet a nice girl.  His adult life is just starting… an exciting time as I recall.  For all these things I am thankful.

Okay… so I have waited a long time for this moment.  To re-start my own independent life.  I have not missed him an iota since he went up there to stay, knowing where he was and who he was with and that he was having a good time.  Tonight is no different from last night or the last few weeks with him gone.  So tell me, why am I blue?

Change is hard for me.  But Squeaky, I am proud of you.  Time to fly.  Best wishes!

Not the song you expected is it?

Wow a day of surprises.  Lorn just told me that he is moving out too.  He decided last week to do it, when the opportunity came up but did not know how to tell me or Squeaky.  Problem solved.  Another baby bird leaves the nest.  Not that he was really mine, but you know, you worry about young ones.
So congratulations to him too.


  1. So overwhelming just reading this. I know you always take the positive road, but please allow me to feel a little grief for you. I haven't experienced this but I know so many others who have. You're on the right track, making plans, taking good care of yourself, knowing you raised them right...gotta love that Bear.
    In your honor today, I will get myself on the right track, start making plans, take good care of myself, and know that somewhere, someone is doing right.
    Thanks, Ananda.

  2. the cat's in the cradle....

    i dread the day sonny moves out, i could be very soon.

  3. Whether in happy moments or melancholy, alone or together, may God bless you and yours.

  4. Peggy-- Its a wobbly world.

    billy pilgrim-- Cat's in the Cradle would have been a perfect song for this.

    Its harder than I imagined.

    Suldog-- Thank you!

  5. How 'bout I take some of that blue for you? Breaks my heart to think that my girls will move out and on some day. It'll be a long time, but not long enough I'm sure.

    Some advice: Take credit for the right choices he makes and blame the wrong choices on someone else. :)

  6. KenV-- I like your advice. Ha. But seriously, once they get to be this age... I think they have to own their own mistakes if I've done my job right. ;-)

  7. I totally understand. Coadster will leave for college in the Fall and I'll only have two more years with Stinky. I've been an active and involved parent for most of my adult life. I'm not sure who I am without my kids. I'm sure I'll find out, though.

  8. Churlita-- Exactly! I'm at the jumping off point with no chute.

    Squeaky is my no "touching" kid. (I'm a hugger.) But last night after he moved out he called to be sure that I was okay. He was afraid that I would get depressed.
    What a sweetheart.

  9. I have just dropped Sqeaky at the college for orientation. It was a sneak attack- he thought it was just a meeting and I would stay with him. Oops, I must have forgotten- he had to do this part on his own. Hahaha, fly little birdie fly! We know he would have never aggreed to do it by himself if I had told him ahead of time. But he is there and there is no escape. Don't worry Mom, we have got him covered!

  10. I can relate intimately to your feelings of both happiness and sorrow for a new stage of life. Congratulations to both Squeaky and Lorn...and you too, Ananda :-)

  11. laura b.-- Thank you. It is so strange to feel this way!

  12. Well the best of luck to Squeaky and I am sure he will do just fine since you took very good care of him. I hope you enjoy your independence and that you are not feeling so blue.

  13. Bittersweet, huh? I both look forward to and dread that day.

  14. Shife-- Hey there! I am feeling better about things today. This is what is supposed to happen. I raised a boy to be a man, not a boy to stay a boy. Life is good, Shife, life is good. Thank you. I have no doubts at all that Squeaky will be successful.

  15. secret agent woman-- Yes, an excellent term. But I am feeling better about things today. Yay! Here is to both of us and our independence... now for me and one day for you. Let us enjoy it.

  16. I raised my kids to learn to be adults, the best I could. And fully expected them to leave home and get on with it. They can't finish growing up unless they do.

    And I never missed them not being in the home, my life has always been to active with following my interests.

    But I could have cared less about having kids.

  17. Billy B.-- I guess I can understand that. I agree that the kids need to get out on their own to be healthy adults.

    But I must say, I enjoy my children very much. My life would be sad without them in it in some fashion. I am fortunate that they are good, loving people who care about me and want what is good for me as much as I want what is good for them.

  18. Hi - Been offline for a couple of days. It's nice to be back...

    Mine are 7 and 3, so leaving home is far away. Even so, they drive me insane but I miss them when they're not here anyway.

  19. What you are going through is something I dread. Actually, the thought of our babies leaving the nest is not something Mr. Cube and I are looking forward to at all. Obviously, we will have to get over it, but it won't be easy.

  20. Cricket-- I love that stage where odd impulses take them over. One time Bear tore off a piece of her flip flop and shoved it up her nose, where of course it got stuck and required a trip to the ER. A reason to do something like that was not requied. They keep you on your toes.

    I envy you. I do.

  21. Cube-- You and Mr.C hang on as long as you can. Though I think with girls, they never fully leave mom. Mine didn't. We talk, email, text, chat. She'll be the head of the search party next time I go missing. As for girls and their dads... well rest easy Mr.C... dads are daughters' hero.