Friendship is rare! And so... for my friends, one and all... yay! Thank you. You improve my life and make it light up like the brightest Christmas display... and to those who love and care for me. Very much appreciated.
Things are crazy today in Dumb Potter's Hell. Remember the alternator? Well... X graciously put it in and the dumb thing still did not charge. So it goes back to the guy who guaranteed his work! He can give me my money back and I will buy a new one. Done and done. No more car problems thank you! I have no patience to waste on it anymore.
Nor do I have time. In six short days I am headed back to sanctuary... and beyond that I must be able to get around. Geezzzz... Now I've got Boo (aka Wubby... Wubbigale and B-wreck.) in on it too. Driving me about to get this and that... tomorrow to get the "book" to be sure that X feels confident that he did indeed install it correctly. I almost did the unthinkable today and contacted my father on the issue.
And so tomorrow I will get the book, let X figure it out or not and then return the damned thing and buy the bran new one that I should have gotten last week. Again... live and learn. But thanks to those who meant well and thanks to those who helped. Intention does matter.
As for the frog pond. Yikes. Today I had the worst of experiences. Let me say this much... a sweet man told me has an illness that will slowly kill him... and wondered if I was still interested. I guess it's hard for me to avoid the nine levels of hell after all. I am certainly doomed to experience them. Because, I am afraid to go there. If I had a relationship with him beyond texting back and forth for a very short time... and had time to build a fondness for him... yes. But not now. How very, very shallow is that? And yes, I feel really rotten about it, but am still too selfish to be the person that he is looking for... a much better person than I.
Otherwise, I spent a great deal of time on the phone with LA via several calls. Missed half of my football game later in the evening in fact. Not that is was all that important of a game. The Beavers did not do us proud for O tonight agains BYU's Cougars. They fell down and stayed down. They are not Ducks.
I was still upset after that. I can usually sake things off. But I still felt truly bad. But again... my sanctuary guy... DH came through and kept me from becoming the mess I was willing to be to punish myself.
Have you ever had a completely insane conversation that seemed to make total sense at the time? Well that is where my head goes often. That another person on the face of the earth can join in so readily is way beyond bizarre. I cannot begin to discribe it... but I keep all converstaions that I have on file and can review them as I please. (It's an order thing that I have.) I can look at it and read it back... line for line... I am still amazed by it.
It began with the sad football game... somehow ended up on the Red Sox, which he purposely called the White Sox to get me going on a rant... the Raiders...the history of abused races... a possible encarseration if Dumb Potter's Hell actually had a jail... what we would do to end up there...Cajun cooking for New Years...Rose Bowl... the side effects of medications... something positive for me that I refuse to define...visits from people we don't want to see...and what we will do next week... including finding a particular nudest colony... a place where he nearly died and didn't... thank you God... pieces of poo otherwise known as people in my life and his... frogs, frogs and more frogs... guns and abuses...stupid things that we said as kids and regretted...closely followed by a series of good nights laced with really weird stuff between that I cannot begin to explain... and how much I have been missed.
Yeah, part of me still feels like crap. But another part is going to allow me to sleep after all... like a basset hound after a good root through the garbage can. What's a bit of indigestion after a good root? I may pass gas and snore... but I will sleep well and hard.
Some nights its all you can ask for.