Somewhere in time she fell right out of existence. I was not aware when it happened. I was surprised by it when I looked up from a jigsaw puzzle one day and
was forced to admit that she was gone.
I looked up at Max, who must have been nine or ten. His face lit with a childish delight that had long since left me behind. He was striped with dirt. His shirt was torn in at least two places. Neither of his shoes were tied. There was a hole in his cheek that was at least two inches long and deep enough to gape. It was peppered with debris from the woods. He grinned his best cheesy smile and said "I had the best day!"
It hit me then that I no longer had those days. The ones where junk happens and you let it roll off because nothing can touch the feeling of falling out of a cedar tree, crashing through its limbs and surviving to tell the tale.
I was stunned by this.
My son skipped to the bathroom mirror. I heard him say "Coooool..." about his face. I no longer understood how exciting a great scar can be even though I could still recall not wearing a bandage on my stitches in fifth grade so that everyone could admire them.
Miss Bliss would have understood it. But she was little more than a limp shirt that I folded up and put away. No fanfare. No teary good-byes. That was a part of life that had passed by. Bye-bye Bliss!
My life has altered so much of late. As I was gearing up for my long weekend last week I glanced into the mirror and was shocked to see that Miss Bliss was back.
Interesting people have entered my life. Not just Larry... though yep... that's been a major interest. My children have grown into interesting people and when I once feared that I was losing them, I now know that I've gained something wonderful from their adult lives that I never expected beside grand children.
Squeaky is pretty much on his own these days with Lorn to help out. He does not need me and amazingly enough... I am feeling very good about that. Not long ago I worried over what I'd do with myself after he went to college. Now I'm wondering what I'll do with myself after he goes with antisipation, not anxiety.
How odd that I find Miss Bliss smiling back at me from the mirror with that same sparkle and feeling of expectation that something wonderful waits around the corner. I walked outside tonight and a very warm Chinook wind caressed me, the song below popped into my head and I began to think about all these changes and marveled that what I thought I feared was really what I want.
TIME KEEPS ON MOVING AND HERE I AM ALMOST BACK TO WHERE I WAS A BAZILLION YEARS AGO. . .