Friday, September 11, 2009

WINDS OF CHANGE

Once upon a time there was a girl called Miss Bliss...


Somewhere in time she
fell right out of existence. I was not aware when it happened. I was surprised by it when I looked up from a jigsaw puzzle one day and
was forced to admit that she was
gone.



I looked up at Max, who must have been nine or ten. His face lit with a childish delight that had long since left me behind. He
was striped with dirt. His shirt was torn in at least two places. Neither of his shoes were tied. There was a hole in his cheek that was at least two inches long and deep enough to gape. It was peppered with debris from the woods. He grinned his best cheesy smile and said "I had the best day!"



It hit me t
hen that I no longer had those days. The ones where junk happens and you let it roll off because nothing can touch the feeling of falling out of a cedar tree, crashing through its limbs and surviving to tell the tale.


I was stunned by this.



My son skipped to the bathroom mirror. I heard him say "Coooool..." about his face. I no longer understood how exciting a great scar can be even though I could still recall not wearing a bandage on my stitches in fifth grade so that everyone could admire them.




Miss Bliss would have understood it. But she was little more than a limp shirt that I folded up and put away. No fanfare. No teary good-byes. That was a part of life that had passed by. Bye-bye Bliss!




My life has altered so much of late. As I was gearing up for my long weekend last week I glanced into the mirror and was shocked to see that Miss Bliss was back.


Interesting people have entered my life. Not just Larry... though yep... that's been a major interest. My children have grown into interesting people and when I once feared that I was losing them, I now know that I've gained something wonderful from their adult lives that I never expected beside grand children.


Squeaky is pretty much on his own these days with Lorn to help out. He does not need me and amazingly enough... I am feeling very good about that. Not long ago I worried over what I'd do with myself after he went to college. Now I'm wondering what I'll do with myself after he goes with antisipation, not anxiety.


How odd that I find Miss Bliss smiling back at me from the mirror with that same sparkle and feeling of expectation that something wonderful waits around the corner. I walked outside tonight and a very warm Chinook wind caressed me, the song below popped into my head and I began to think about all these changes and marveled that what I thought I feared was really what I want.

TIME KEEPS ON MOVING AND HERE I AM ALMOST BACK TO WHERE I WAS A BAZILLION YEARS AGO. . .

25 comments:

  1. Good post. I know I can use a dose of what you found again.

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  2. What beautiful writing! See, you do THIS better than me.

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  3. That person (Bliss, in your case; Suldog, in mine) is always lurking around a corner (if not presently in sight.) All that's needed to bring him/her into vision is another like-minded soul :-)

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  4. Cube--
    Thanks. I guess it hides in there. I trust your anniversary was nice. :-)

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  5. Pamela-- What a lovely compliment, thank you.

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  6. Suldog-- You know, I think you may be right. Finding Patrick, reconnecting in a better way with C4C, plus all of you that exchange words with me... it all combines to draw out the things in me that are happy and good. You know that Bliss and Suldog come from the same pocket of time.

    Very cool beans!

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  7. Glad to hear that Miss Bliss is back for real. I think too many people feel that when they grow up, they have to forget their past selves.

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  8. I'm glad you reclaimed your Bliss. It's nice to see you so happy.

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  9. I wake up each morning half expecting to have a new experience that day. Don't know if it will be a good or a bad one and it doesn't matter because I find them all interesting even though some of them are stressful ones. Actually, I've learned more from the stressful ones.

    I've learned a lot since moving here eleven years ago.

    Anyway, you post weird graphics and pictures at times. You must have some weird shit in your head, ha ha ha :-)

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  10. Oh, things always changing is something I always expect, even though I don't like some of the changes. There are things from the good O' days I would like to see come back.

    One positive thing was getting back to the simple and basic life I love. Well, except for computers and the internut, guess I'm hooked on them but I'm not it's good for me in all ways.

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  11. true that - we put away who we are for others - so great to hear that you have found yourself again - now - what did i do with myself and who is that anyway?

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  12. Beautiful. What could be more perfect than getting to be Miss Bliss, but with richness and power of knowledge....

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  15. AlienCG-- I think that you are right. We get caught up in our new roles... parents, occupations, etc. and think that they define us, when they are only parts of our role in life. I forgot that.

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  16. Churlita-- Thank you. I was not happy for so long that I forgot what this was like. Yet if you had asked my co-workers or people who think that they know me, they would have said that I was a happy person... I have a smile no matter how I feel. If anyone really knows me, they find the truth in my eyes, not in my smile.

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  17. BBC-- There is a great deal to be said for being true to yourself.

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  18. C4C-- You have ever been my friend and the distance has kept me oblivious to your mother and wife masks... I see only the real you...just as Patrick is the same as he ever was. It does not seem to matter to my mind how much manure we have all been buried under. It results in the roses you are.

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  19. BBC-- You should see the shit in my head. Yes, I like bizarre and odd stuff. I really like freaky stuff. I have a passion for art work that is different.

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  20. lime-- Yes, hope is waiting in the wings.

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  21. I'm so happy to hear you are in a good place right now!!!

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