Thursday, June 11, 2009


Okay... I was awful. When I was sipping my coffee and StbX said "Hey, a Slim Jim Factory blew up in North Carolina." I laughed out loud. What on earth could make a Slim Jim Factory blow up? It was funny. Then he did what he's so good at doing... gave me a look that clearly said I was not mentally right. "People died." "oh" I said.

We are talking a nasty bit of destruction. A terrible tragic thing. This photo and a story about it are found here:

I have had huge problems with inappropriate laughter all my life.

When I was about 13, I used to work at a riding stable. I'd get up before dawn and walk the rail road track 3.5 miles to the stable where I would muck out stalls, groom and exercise horses and when the stable opened, I would be a chaser... the trouble shooter who kept green horns from being wiped off on fences or got their nags to trot. It was a great job for me. I could ride all I wanted for free.

I made a new friend. She was Mormon. I knew nothing about them other than that her mother trusted no one who was not Mormon... this included me. When this friend asked if she could come with me, I said sure. My assumption being that she would get permission and things would be fun. No, she didn't get permission. She left a note. Half of the note on one side of a note pad, the other half on the back side of the top page. Basically the first half said that she was leaving with me. The second half that her mother never read said that she would return at such and such time.

So the stable was fun until it began to pour so heavily that they shut the place down for the day and I was cut loose early. She was afraid of the railroad tracks, so we headed into the ritz area of town, got lost and then found our way to Virus Count's house. Virus was great. We played poker with pinto beans as money for a time, waiting for the rain to stop...then after I had tried to call my parents several times to tell them where i was... but the phone was constantly busy... I decided that things felt wrong and we should leave.

We were maybe two blocks away when the cop car... whooping noise and flashing lights stopped to pick us up. Yep. My first trip in the back of a cop car. I've riden there four other times... but this is the only time it was due to being wanted by police. Here we are riding in back and passing kids I know from school. Andy McWilliams looked like he was going to have a stroke when Iwaved at him. Not that I was having fun. I was scared spitless!

They took us to my house. There inside the door were my parents who seemed to be sane and reassuring and Marsha's parents who acted as if we were feared dead at the bottom of a pit somewhere. Then the policeman... who lived around the corner and who's son used to help me climb off the car port late at night to run wild with him and his brother... made an "ehem" noise and took center stage.

The lecture was a torture. It was all about being lucky to come from good families, not "white trash", about being a good and obedient daughter... not like the trash in "juvie" and how dangerous it would be for a innocent like us to be locked into juvie with that white trash. Yikes! He was on a roll, shaking his finger at me when I snorted.

It was a tiny snorting laugh. The snort amused me further and great big gobs of laughs began to burble out of me like a fountain. The cop's eyes got HUGE... and that was so comical! His neck and face turned red... oh it was so much worse now and I was never going to get control of myself. I knew that I was losing it badly. Faces around the room were staring at me like I'd lost my freaking mind. I had. I couldn't stop it.

Incredulous cop stomped toward me in a way that made me cringe and ball up my fists for protection. He yelled "YOU THINK THIS IS FUNNY? TO SCARE YOUR PARENTS LIKE ..." It was at this point that my dad hopped to his feet and started in with "NOW WAIT A COTTON PICKING MINUTE...SHE DIDN'T DO ANYTHING WRONG..." Angry words were exchanged and I switched from hysterical giggles to big giant tears. My dad stopped barking at the cop long enough to order me to go to my room. I made it there in record time. Never was I so happy to see my bed. Or so glad that I had a dad!

I have many,many stories about bursting into laughter at the exact wrong moment. My mother's funeral accompanied by my sister, Cindrella. Anytime one of my kids gets hurt... yep, mom laughs out loud. Squeaky used to get so mad! I laugh when I hurt myself too, and kids... if you act scared you guarantee that your child is scared. If you act like it's no biggie, then they know they are going to survive.

Besides who wouldn't laugh at a line like "I've cracked my head open and now I'm going to die." said by a very somber three year old who believed mom when she told him a billion times that he was going to crack his head open and die if he didn't stop doing that.

It does not really matter why I do this laughing thing at the wrong time. But I'm fairly sure it is some sort of failsafe to keep me from losing it. I even laughed hysterically at the guy who flashed his family jewels at us on the escalator in the underground parking garage. Wait... I have to stop laughing now over that one. Ahhh. Now that was funny, not scary. But most females are insulted by that. They get indignant, not amused. He seemed insulted. That just made it funnier!

I am back at work and have no real post today, just this jumble of words. I hope your day is productive and acceptalbe. My boss is not here. I am alone except for a secretary and the custodian who pops in to chat. I am obviously not being very productive if I am typing this. Ha. But I won't count this in my work time. ;-)

I would like to say one last thing... I have ridden in the back of Washington State Police cars on four different occasions. Three times when I ran out of gas. My VW didn't have a gas gauge. Each time, they drove me to a gas station, filled my can with gas, drove me back to the Dub, poured in the gas for me, and made sure my car started before they drove away. The other time, my truck broke down. That marvolous trooper drove me home... into the next state, through my town all the way to my house only to find out that my dad was not there, but at the tavern. Trooper then drove me back through town to the tavern where he waited while I made sure that my dad was there. In Oregon I have run out of gas or broken down on the freeways many times. Our cops drive past me as fast as they can go. To this I say...WASHINGTON STATE TROOPERS, YOU ARE THE BEST! The only cops I know who actually take that "protect and serve to heart." I heartily thank and commend them.


  1. I'm sure you won't be surprised to hear that I am an inappropriate laugher as well. A lot of times, I can pretend like I'm crying. But my youngest daughter and I have these arguments where we're both really upset with each other and laughing. I have to assure her that I'm still mad, and she says she is too and then we continue to laugh and argue. It's bizarre.

  2. I think what is called inappropriate laughter is really common. And, I know it was a horror, but the words 'a Slim Jim factory blew up..' totally sound like the set up to a joke.

    That is quite a story about you and your Mormon friend! Another time I can honestly see laughter as the only recourse...really what else could you do? :-D

  3. Churlita-- Oh that is so funny. When I am truly angry... I start to smile this evil smile and grin like an idiot as I spew vile things. By the end I'm laughing too. Glad I'm not the only angry laugher.

    Thanks for the tip on pretending to cry. I'm going to use that!

  4. laura b.-- Indeed, it did sound like a joke. Who would ever think that it could even happen in reality?

    Hey, the story made me famous in a good way at school for a few weeks. That part was kind of cool. Much better than when I was on the "Webster Web-Foot Show with Uncle Jimmy" in fifth grade. Took years to live that story down.

  5. Oh my gosh! Andy McWilliams (I have a few Andy McWilliams being horrified stories of my own) and Webster Webfoot. Two names from the past that i would never have thought of on my own!

    Hi-Larry-Ous! Thank you!

    I started laughing at my wedding and would not have stopped if my mother had not put her fingernails into my arm and squeezed until I did stop.

    Of course in my case laughter might have ,,,, oh never mind.

  6. crazy4coens-- How did we manage to miss each other's weddings? I tried to climb out the bathroom window! It was too small or I was too big. The only way out was through all that family looking at me. Yikes.

    Actually I think I did not tell you because I was afraid that you would tell me not to get married... which I should not have done. Geez... I can so totally see your mom doing that! LMAO

    Now I'll have to hear your Andy McWilliams stories. That boy was an amusement and a half. Especially that seal bark laugh.

    That darned Evo!

  7. Holy crap! I can relate about the inappropriate laughter, well except for the getting picked up by the police part because I've always managed to avoid that.

    Nonetheless, inappropiate laughter has plagued me all my life. Sometimes, I just can't help myself.

    Heh heh.

    OMG I'm doing it now ;-)

  8. Cube-- Somehow I suspected as much!

    Glad you avoided the cop car ride. It's not as much fun as one would think... and it smells in the back seat like glurp.

    Yuck it up! It's good for us. And I won't tell. ;-)

  9. wow, you gotta a way with state troopers!

    i'm trying to forget my rides with the mounties. but i must say the mounties are far nicer than the city cops up here.

  10. billy-- I'm glad I'm not the only one getting rides.

    Like wise Washington vs. Oregon cops. Oregon's suck great big ones!

    Washington troopers are tops with me. I love those buggers. ;-)

  11. billy-- Avoid those city dicks!

  12. Andy always thought he was better than me - even when we were in altered states. it all started when i colored the top knot on chilly willy's
    (i was probably 4) cap - he later, patiently and somewhat disgustedly, pointed out that that fuzz ball was white NOT colored. We never really improved in our relations thereafter......

    i think you were in oregon when i got married and i think i was in san diego when you got married. I have a couple of pictures from your wedding. StbX looks like someone tricked him and he wasn't happy. oh what great memories.....

  13. crazy4coen-- Andy always thought he was better than anyone. I had to kiss him in 3rd grade for an x-mas concert. I was a doll. He was a soldier.
    It was creepy.

    Yes, I have photos of him like that too. I think he truly did want to run away. I did too. WTF? We were horny idiots.

  14. I kissed him too when I got drunk for the first time - he looked at me in horror and I backed off. Fool didn't know what he was missing!

    Here's to not running in the other direction! It's called our wonderful kids!

  15. Oh my is right - it was a supressed memory that popped to the surface when you mentioned his name.

    I wonder how many people in blog land know him. 7 degrees of separtation and all.

  16. crazy-- I can't imagine any that read my blog do. But if so... HEY... come on in and say something you lurker! Especially if you know what Mr. Apple-cheeks is up to now.

    Incidentally, I am a lurker myself and have an open to lurker policy. Hi guys!

    Hey, that concert? They made a record of it... Andy and I are on some dweeb's copy of it saying "Now it's time to leave the magical kingdom." I was hot stuff the day they recorded that! I think Andy's line was "But first, our last song, Toyland!" What a hoot! ha

  17. Mr. Apple Check is right - last I knew he was in Oregon and divorced....Hey!.....

  18. crazy4coens-- That is soooo creepy that I have no idea what to do with the thoughts that went through my sick head. lol

    Andy sat behind me for so long as a little kid. I cannot even begin to imagine what he would look like as a man. He must have been big by the time you kissed him. He was adorable as a kid, should have looked pretty darned good as kissing material.

    Ridiculously, I knew him still in high school, but in my head he is perpetually a 4th grader. I honestly cannot recall him being any older.

  19. Well, he's your age and frankly a bit older than 4th grade.

    He might have figured out that there is more to life than him by now. You should think about it.

    As for kissing material - well - I was so drunk I would have kissed anything that moved at that point - yikes! Will my students be reading this?

    I drove by his old street yesterday, and then over the railroad tracks you talk about in this blog.

    I didn't remember that you were a horse girl. Armstrong Stables, ah. Long gone now!

  20. crazy4coens-- Your students are not going to read this. Perhaps I should put a no one under 17 rating on oodles of funch. I've thought about it because I do swear and say off the wall crap.

    I do recall those days of who one kisses not mattering as much as getting kissed. They were fun as I recall. heehee

    Armstrong Stables... amazing you recall the name. Oh yeah, I about lived there! It was western style riding and full of aggies. I was not into aggies, but I had fun there.

    I also belonged to Pony Club an International English Riding Club. Very snooty me! I did shows. I wore those sexy long boots... made to order, the poofy pants, a funky black velvet hat and cleaned crap out of the inside of horse hooves... that made me hot stuffs. But the hat made me look like Barry Cowsill. Hahahahaha.

    I liked Armstrongs with it's jeans, my cowboy boots and tank tops better. They didn't care if I used good form or not as long as I used that whip right (and got the nags going). ;-)