Wednesday, August 12, 2009

WHY PEOPLE MY AGE SHOULD NOT DATE


My arrangement with StbX is that I can now date. The paper work is not final, but the marriage has been for five years… So why wait? I now know the answer to that “rhetorical question”.



People my age should not be dating period. They should be married to someone who knows what their farts sound like and that know they used to eat peanut butter and Miracle Whip sandwiches. We are not mentally prepared to redo what was bad enough in our teens and twenties. NO.





Yikes! I am so horribly bad at this that you cannot imagine. I think I have made every possible mistake at least once now and have begun round two or three in the humiliation Olympics. In short, it SUCKS.




And of course I can hear Himself laughing again. Did I ever mention that I have some serious vanity issues? My father… who used to be my idol before I decided that boys had a greater use than having my back in a good game of Combat…used to tell me “It’s okay to be vain. There’s nothing wrong with knowing you’re good looking… just don’t be conceited.”





He was tall on irony. I was short on clues. He’d say… “You look just like Kim Novac” and other total lies that I ate up like Cheetos. THE HEAD GREW HUGE. One would think that I would figure out that daddies say this sort of crap to their little girls… even to the little girls that look like Golem.





Vanity is a cruel teacher. My first semester in college I had a writing class. I excelled… but you need to be clear that there were people in here with English as a second language who had trouble asking for a cigarette. One of the guys in my class asked me out. I was presented with several problems with this simple request.




I had no clue how to turn someone down. I stupidly agreed to go out before I knew where he wanted to take me. As it turned out, it was to some big family party full of “English as a second language” sort of people. But on the bright side… what could go wrong in a house full of relatives? (Yes I do recall being related to Medusa!)





I might have gone through with it, but then I overheard him and his buddy talking…the plan was to get away from the family as soon as possible and go out cruising… yep in one of those cars that hops. It would no doubt be playing some version of Latin music loudly. I was a psychedelic metal head for heaven’s sake! That was paramount to listening to Pat Boone! Not cool.





I drove a small vintage English sports car that my dad sold to me for a dollar. The very idea of sitting in that kind of car… hopping on the Blackstone drag was more than I could possibly endure! It was a convertible… people would be able to see me! I was mortified by my own vanity and total lack of empathy for a very nice young man. What a creep!





That evening the poor kid, dressed up in his very best came to my door to pick me up… Crazy4coens and I were sitting in the dark. I’d taken the “bell is broken” sign down. We sat and giggled… yes, giggled… as this poor sweet guy rang the doorbell repeatedly. The doorbell that had been disconnected for years. Eventually he gave up and left. The class we had shared was over at that point, so I felt pretty safe. When I did finally see him, he looked through me. I no longer existed. Rightfully so! What a crappy thing to do to a person.





So now Karma has come back to kick my butt around. Dating, which was so easy for me in college has become as difficult as it was for that poor boy who knocked on my door forever ago. How many broken doorbells do I have to push before I find someone willing to answer? It is an exercise in humility. I am humbled.





Yet, Himself must think that I’ve temporarily paid enough to merit mercy right now… ‘cause I finally have a date on the 22nd. Very cool beans!





Don’t worry TyeDye… Max is on it. I will be safe. Not sure my date will though. ;)

25 comments:

  1. You have one week and two days to prepare. Seems like a long time, but it will come at you faster than you think.

    Don't worry though. There will be many here who will be pulling for you and ready to dispense the moral support.... if you need it.

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  2. I had a few dates myself, back in the day, where you were in on the date.

    I am glad that you have a date. It will all will go well. I am sure!

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  3. Well, hopefully karma takes some time off before your date. Have fun, don't do anything I wouldn't do.

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  4. lime-- Thanks me too... I'm going to be a nervous wreck... which means I will giggle too easily and I will spend my time worrying when I'm going to say the worst possible thing for the occasion.

    I think if I can get through it without puking, I call it a good time.

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  5. Cube--Thanks I'm counting on that.

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  6. Crazy4coens-- Well I do recall those rather fondly. Wish you could be here for this one. I will have to give you an email.

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  7. AlienCG-- Thanks... me too. I deserve what it throws at me though. I promise not to do anything that you won't. Especially drink. I will need my brain to function well.

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  8. Crazy4coens-- I'm just trying to avoid Mr. Goodbar. You know how much the other adjusted like me.

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  9. I have dated a bit here in this second half or whatever you'd call it. No love connections, but it is nice meeting new people and getting out. Just go out expecting nothing but that would be my advice...oh wait...you didn't ask for that, did you? haha! Sorry :-)

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  10. laura b.-- Believe me... I could use any piece of advice you would want to give.

    BTW, Max insisted on a copy of his driver's license and vehicle plate numbers. Man have the rules changed!

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  11. This morning I was half watching Rachael Ray, and there was a segment on women who don't like their chins. And this make-up artist came in and fixed their chins. Of course, I missed that part when they told what you were supposed to do if you hate your chin and think you are starting to look like your grandma with her double chin. So I hate my chin, and I still don't really know what to do about it.

    This is probably not one of your problems, seeing as the Almighty gave you a wonderful neck and all.

    Good luck with the whole dating thing.

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  12. The fact that you realize what a hideous thing you did to that kid, and that Karma will pay back (or has paid back), is enough to tell me that you WILL find someone wonderful. It may not happen on the first go-round, but it will happen. Trust me.

    I'll say a prayer for you :-)

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  13. lalughing-- I don't care how nice the neck is that Himself handed to me... we all are going to face that subject one of these days. Too bad you missed that how to fix it part! It's nice to know that something can be done.

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  14. Jim-- Yes sir, I certainly do and accept the consequences of my actions. I am truly contrite. It was a horrid thing to do. He was a lovely boy. I hope he found someone who deserves him and is living happily ever after.

    Thank you... prayers are always welcome here! And eh-hem, certainly needed.

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  15. I've been back in the dating game for a couple of years after 20 married. It's a mixed thing. You'd think peole would be more mature, but there are some real players out there. Still, I persevere.

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  16. i'd rather take my dog for a walk than go on a date. it's cheaper and i know i'll get a kiss if i want it.

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  17. billy pilgrim-- Now that made me laugh right out loud. Believe me, from some of the ones I've seen... Ruby is a better kisser!

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  18. secret agent woman-- You are a trooper. It can be very disheartening. Still... you have to hope. No one should be alone if they choose not to be.

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  19. Why have I learned of this on the internet, you cannot call your daughter to tell of this exciting news? Well, what is his name, please tell me I DO NOT KNOW HIM!Luvs

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  20. thebear--No you do not know him. I won't put his name on here. He lives in Molalla. We re going to see a movie. You will meet him next time. I do not want you crazy family to scare him away!!!
    I wanted to sneak first date past you. Sheesh. I forgot you lurk.

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  21. Last night I dreamed that I was the one gifted with the wonderful neck. Chin problems all gone.

    Then I woke up. Chin and neck are the same as before. Oh, well.

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  22. laughing-- That is such a metaphor for life! Its all good, then we wake up!

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  23. no keeping secrets while blogging......

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  24. Awww, good luck with your date!

    I find it is easier to go on dates when you don't put much pressure on yourself and are just looking to have fun (easier said than done of course). I don't know though, I'm sure it is difficult at certain points in one's life, but hopefully you can meet cool people.

    Some times it's better to invest one's time and energy in animals. They don't talk back and love you if you give them food and hugs, hehe...

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