Sunday, October 11, 2009

Kiss My Irish Ass

Time to get fired up! I'm ready to go... so come on fuckers! I am in a mood...

Shit Crap Fuck. I think that things are over with Larry. Not my idea, by the way. His

ex-girlfriend called and “wanted to talk”… said she was coming right over. He called me and told me. I said “Ok, so what does that mean?” He replied that he did not know.

Ouch. I will say this. Larry has been very kind, very good to me. He has been honest and upfront. I knew about the ex-girlfriend and that he was really hurt when they split.




I know other things too…

I know that:

That you cannot force anyone to want to be with you, no matter how much you want them. To try and fight that only causes you to feel more pain that you need to feel.




I know that:

That you cannot help how your heart feels. If Larry still loves her, he does. I cannot find it in my heart to be angry over that. I can’t blame him for his feelings.




I know that:

Drama doesn’t help anything.

That was pretty much the just of the conversation. He said he had to talk to her. He asked me not to come over unless he called me. He needed to decide where this was going to go. I have not heard any more from him. My assumption is that this is not good. That I’m a gonner where Larry is concerned.




My hope of course was the opposite! I’ve been happy as a clam for the first time in a very, very long time. I enjoyed everything about our relationship except for the distance between us. I have no complaints at all about him… except that he may be gone now from my life. That of course hurts. I will miss him, his family and darn it all… Buddy.




Well, I am broke so a trip to the bar is pretty much out of the question… or I’d be down there bending my elbow and being around people to keep my mind occupied and fuzzy. I am dedicated to the idea that when upset a good dose of risky behavior helps! Unfortunately the riskiest thing I’ll be doing is cleaning my bathroom and bedroom . It’s not as intoxicating as I’d like. Ha!




Tonight is THE POGUES! Therein lies my salvation. I can toss back a few dark brews, hop, dance, sing and generally go nuts… the things that heal me temporarily. Monday morning I will rue that I was so insane and be tired all day at work. But at least I will have something else to talk about other than how I’ve lost Larry.




I was up at the crack of dawn yesterday. I am a hopper and I do not sleep for long periods of time before I’m back on my feet. I hit the gym and got moving. I know of nothing that works better at keeping me from becoming depressed than being physically exhausted. After that I had coffee with a male friend that I have not talked to in awhile. I’m doing that again this morning after a good hour of swift movement.




I have not eaten much since I last heard from Larry. I can’t continue to do that because of my diabetes. I ate a can of “turtles” (ravioli) right before bed. Now I weigh 5 pounds less, but half of that is water. It will come back if I am not super careful. But weight loss is a good thing for me. As long as I continue, I feel good about some aspect of my life. I don’t’ want to fix what isn’t broken. Not having an appetite will eventually go away again. I better take advantage of it while I can.




A female friend would be concerned at how I am feeling and pinning blame here or there. Picking the situation apart. I don't need that crap.




Men… god love them (like I do)… DON’T. They give me conversation. They don’t poke at the wound. Bless J for that yesterday… and for this morning too in advance. And bless any of you who are sympathetic without being finger pointers. There were no bad guys here. Only my sad heart.




Okay… it’s not The Pogues singing it, but… Kiss My Irish Ass! If you liked that one here is one more that makes me feel fired up as well. Do read the words. I think I've had it on here before... but humor me.


Drunken Lullabies with lyrics



Must it take a life for hateful eyes
To glisten once again
Five hundred years like Gelignite
Have blown us all to hell
What savior rests while on his cross we die
Forgotten freedom burns
Has the Shepard led his lambs astray
to the bigot and the gun

Must it take a life for hateful eyes
To glisten once again
'Cause we find ourselves in the same old mess
Singin' drunken lullabies

I watch and stare as Roisin`s eyes
Turn a darker shade of red
And the bullet with this sniper lie
In their bloody gutless cell
Must we starve on crumbs from long ago
Through bars these men made steel
Is it a great or little thing we fought
Knelt the conscience blessed to kill

Must it take a life for hateful eyes
To glisten once again
'Cause we find ourselves in the same old mess
Singin' drunken lullabies


Ah, but maybe it`s the way you were taught
Or maybe it`s the way we fought
But a smile never grins without tears to begin
For each kiss is a cry we all lost
Though nothing is left to gain
But for the banshee that stole the grave
Cause we find ourselves in the same old mess
Singin' drunken lullabies

I sit in and dwell on faces past
Like memories seem to fade
No colour left but black and white
And soon will all turn grey
But may these shadows rise to walk again
With lessons truly learnt
When the blossom flowers in each our hearts
Shall beat a new found flame

Must it take a life for hateful eyes
To glisten once again
Cause we find ourselves in the same old mess
Singin' drunken lullabies


TOMORROW THE POGUES CONCERT PHOTOS... whahoo!

28 comments:

  1. Well, I was just thinking that I should email you and ask you something that is none of my damned business. But I guess that now is not a good time.

    The draft for the other email that I never finished and never sent was dated January. Sometimes I cannot believe I've been talking to someone about this crap for that long. Janauary. Damn.

    Well, I am sorry about Larry. He should at least email you to say what is going on so you don't just wonder and think the worst.

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  2. First of all, I admire your attitude as far as not placing blame. I am sorry that your happiness was interrupted by this bump in the road. Have fun at The Pogues tonight, I am looking forward to seeing photos.

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  3. Ha ha ha, you sound like me, full of attitude. Life does throw us some curve balls and I hate that but I've learned a hell of a lot from it all, and even remember some of my lessons and don't make those mistakes again.

    I've gotten very leary of THE INSANE CHICKS SOCIETY (TICS)But in fairness to them I've gotten to be a complex man that loves a simple life and I know that most available females are not right for me being that most of them want more and better things.

    Maybe Larry will learn that getting back with the ex wasn't a good idea, maybe it's just something he has to learn. I don't know, but he may be back in your life down the road.

    Meanwhile just stay busy and look for happy shit to do, and humor.

    If I was there I would buy you a few drinks. Well, I'm a cheap bastard, I would buy some booze and we could sit at the river and drink and philosophize about shit. Maybe toss out a fishing line.

    Hang in there, things will work out okay. B

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  4. You are so awesome Ananda Girl. I'll leave it at that.

    Have a great time at the Pogues and I can't wait to see the pictures!!!!

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  5. laughing-- Hi. Thanks. Go ahead and email me. It's okay. I am fine.

    Irony... I got the email from Larry right after getting your comment. He is going to give it another try with the ex. He was sincerely apologetic and I believe upset with how things have gone. Did not like hurting me. A gentleman to the end. :-) I like that. I wish him well.

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  6. AlienCG-- Thank you! Hey, in love there is only what your heart wants. You can't blame anyone for being in love with someone. That's just silly. I care about Larry very much and want him to be happy. People get so wrapped up in being petty. It does not really make anyone feel better and can in fact make things worse.

    Yay! Pogues! I am so excited about this one. I am about to jump out of my skin while waiting.
    Photos are on the way. I hope I get better ones than I got of Flogging Molly. It's hard to do from so far a way.

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  7. BBC-- Thank you! Yes... I have attitude. Who knows what tomorrow will bring eh? Life is a series of adventures. I'm moving on to the next one. If Larry wanders back my way, I'll be happy. If he doesn't and I find someone else... I'll be happy. My intention is to be happy.

    Right now I'll go back to focusing on my health and getting things done. Meanwhile I can hang out with J and do the coffee thing and that is a nice distraction. I may have another iron in the fire elsewise... not sure yet. (Not talking romance.) We shall see if that flies and if it does... I will tell all about it.

    Oh... I am buying a second car to use to train my boys to drive. It's an automatic. A Geo 4 door sedan. I believe you will like it. It's a price that I can manage per month...my son-in-law bought it to sell to me on payments that I can do. Older of course but runs very well.

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  8. laura b.-- So are you! Thank you for that, it is very nice to hear right now.

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  9. A Geo hey? Hey, wanna sell da Ford?

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  10. And you're quite a lady, too. I LIKE your attitude. Enjoy!

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  11. BBC-- Nope. No way. I love that little car. Squeaky is going to college next fall... he needs a car and this one has a Toyota engine that is in great shape, even though its a GEo.

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  12. Peggy-- Thanks. Life sucks some days, then it gives you the Pogues. :-)

    Yes ma'am... there will be elbow bending tonight. A&E our music section in our paper warns us that the Pogues often canclel for no reason. If so, we're off to Kells to drink the night away and dance like idiots there. Always have a back up plan! Oi!

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  13. Hard to beat a Toyota engine even if it is in a Geo, they are great engines.

    I'll trade you a bottle of Vodka and tomato juice for it. Maybe toss in a Wendy's Jr. Bacon Cheese Burger.

    Who in the hell are the Pogues? But dancing sounds like fun.

    We have a local band here that is very good, a C/W band. The lead strummer and singer often starts the evening out with, LETS ALL GET DRUNK AND FUCK.

    Ha ha ha.

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  14. Was that comment out of line? Cuz I sure hope so.

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  15. #@#$@%^@@!!!

    I'm sending you a virtual super steroidal shark hug full of compassion and empathy.

    You are such a wonderful, vibrant person full of life and fun. I hope things turn out ok obviously, maybe things aren't as they seem. Anyhow, I hope you enjoy the concert.

    Let me know if there is anything I can do.

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  16. You certainly have the right attitude about life. And you never cease to amaze.

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  17. BBC-- It may take me days to recover from last night.

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  18. Sebastien-- Thank you that's just what I needed!

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  19. I'm so sorry. It sounds like you have a great attitude about things. It must mean that he wasn't your guy. Now at least you're open for when your guy does come along.

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  20. You're getting a little old to be going out and getting shit faced because someone pissed in your cornflakes. There are better ways to deal with such things and you should be wiser than that by now.

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  21. Churlita-- If one comes along. You never know. I think I'll just take what good times come and be happy when I can.

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  22. I'm just checking in to see how you are faring. I'm not being nosy, but I am checking in on a blog friend. Virtually punish me if I'm over the line.

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  23. Women have been pissing in my cornflakes for ten years since moving here, if I got drunk every time one did I would be a worthless alcoholic now.

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  24. BBC-- Hummmm... You do not understand the nature of a punk concert. That is what people do there. It has zip to do with Larry. I bought these tickets and have looked forward to cutting loose and enjoying a likely once in a life time event for over two months. I did exactly what I would have done even if Larry and I were still together. I went to have fun, not to forget Larry. I do not drink to make myself less depressed... or I'd have been a serious alcoholic a long, long time ago.

    You made an incorrect assumption. My fault I'm sure because I was joking about it yesterday. That is what I do to handle things... I joke and talk about them.

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  25. Cube-- Thank you! I am okay and doing well actually. I had a great time last night with The Pogues... despite... oh well, see that post.

    I greatly appreciate the support and good wishes of my blog friends. You all are wonderful. I cannot ever feel that is over the line. It is so welcome. Thank you Cube!

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  26. Sorry dear. I've been through that. No drama is a good thing, though there has to be some outlet to get the fucking shit emotions out. Glad you had the pogues at least.

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