Thursday, November 19, 2009

Today... a guest post by thebear.

As you know, Bear is my silver hair child... she gave me lots of reasons to grow them. However, she has redeemed herself many times over. She is my best friend, my only daughter and one of the best people I have the pleasure of knowing. She has recently gone back to college to become a nurse. I am extremely proud of her. This is a piece she wrote for her writing class. Writing is not new to the Bear. She wrote poetry in high school that her teacher raved about and she is also an excellent speaker.It is my joy to share her with you today.

I was everyone’s favorite drunk girl, the life of every party. You could find me wherever the alcohol was flowing. I loved my life. It was exciting with never a dull moment. I lived the way I wanted to live. However, my life was about to forever change in a way I had never thought possible and in a direction I never thought that I wanted. On August 13, 2006, I found the saying, “Every cloud has a silver lining” to be true.

On a warm summer night, he hopped over the railing of the deck and into my life forever. His name was Mikey P. From our first encounter I knew he was the one who would change my life, but I didn’t know just how much. We were both on a path of self destruction. Both of us allowed our lives to be fueled by alcohol. We were an imperfect match. We moved quickly into a whirlwind of a relationship which included his many stays in NORCOR corrections facility. Each time he was released we would throw him a welcome home party, beginning, yet again an alcohol induced romance. We really didn’t know each other all too well, but we didn’t care as long as we were drunk. As we were hitting the fifth month of our on and off relationship, Michael landed himself in jail and was facing a four month sentence. It was the end of something; I could feel it. This time Michael and I decided it was time to attempt to change the course of our lives, since he was looking at a long stay and a forced sobriety, maybe I should try to be sober, too. The next ten days would lead to finale of the party girl phase.

I woke up August 12, 2006 knowing it was time to wind down and focus on sobriety. I felt sick to my stomach and had been feeling ill quite regularly, I had even blacked out at work, collapsing onto the floor. I was sure I was going to die if I didn’t do something about the alcohol abuse. At the time I had passed out at work, the EMT asked me if was pregnant or if I had taken any drugs.My reply was, to my knowledge, honest and a quick “HELL NO!” But the symptoms persisted. I thought, “Could I be pregnant?” I bought a pregnancy test and put it aside until the morning. That night I smoked some weed and decided to go for a walk. I walked through town until I found a party. The question still lingered in my head “Could I REALLY be pregnant?” I had no appetite for alcohol that night, the party girl had disappeared, and I barely finished five beers before I said my goodbyes and went home, retreating to my bed. I woke up at 6:00am August 13th, before anyone was awake so I could have complete privacy. I snuck quietly into the bathroom, the test hidden under my shirt. I sat on the toilet, did the business, and waited for what felt like an eternity. In actuality, it only took about twenty seconds for the two lines to appear and reveal my future.

There it was on that little stick, this little cloud looming over head. It was a brutal stab in the chest. Of all things needed in my life, a child was not the likely ???admixture. The real

ization was difficult, but the hardest was yet to come. I know and now he needs to know. I wrote the longest, most in depth, and scariest letter ever written; sealed it and addressed it to 201 Webber Rd. The Dalles, OR. I sent it on a Monday and still hadn’t received a reply by the following Saturday visit. I was nervous, anxious, and frightened. I shook as I signed in. Patiently waiting to see Michael, I worried “Will he accept my visit?” and “What will he say?” The doors unlocked and I walked into the windowed visitors section to find him smiling arrogantly, eyes full of excitement. It was a sobering event. He was happy. It was what he needed to see the light, and I too felt it come together. In an instant, an amazing feeling of hope struck me like lightning. The cloud lifted and shifted away. Michael was soon approved to be released from NORCOR to go to the ARC rehabilitation facility to gain the knowledge to begin fresh, for me I had no choice, I had to be sober. I could never go back.

Michael was in rehab for a month. While he worked on himself, I worked hard, got an apartment, and prepared for his arrival. When he came home for the first time, I was four and a half months pregnant. A month later we found out we were having a little boy.

Our son was born April 7, 2007.

We named him Michael. He is two and a half now, full of energy and life. His lively spirit still catches me off guard. The little cloud that hung over head never came back. Michael and I are going on four years sobriety. We found what we looking for- unconditional love, a reason to get up every morning, a reason to be responsible. The silver lining is a bright little boy, with big brown eyes, who wakes up every morning with a smile on his face and always reminds me that he loves mommy.

I could never imagine my life if I had never been given a second chance. Sometimes when something happens unexpectedly, we feel like the world has ended. But in some cases we get just what we needed. I couldn’t be any happier with the way things turned out


Good job Bear! I could not be happier or more proud if I tried. I am so glad that you have found happiness and that you have given me such a marvelous set of gifts... your sobriety, because I worried so much for both of you, your Mikey P. who is a wonderful loving and concerned son and that precious precocious Michael, affectionate rascal and grandma's boy. Thank you for allowing me to post this today.

I would only add one small footnote to thebear's story... the day she passed out at work, the person first on the scene was the same police officer who had brought my drunken 15 year old beauty home safe and sound one scary evening. How interesting that she... the police officer would be at the beginning and the end of thebear's party girl days.

And forgive her? How could I not... this nut did not fall far from the tree.

My own mini Miss Bliss.

Pay back is a m.f.

This is the email she sent me last night... note the writing style here!

Oh... it's delivered with love, bet on it.

"so i will have to do the pics tomorrow, I am tired and going to bed now. I have a B in my writing class by the way. I found out tonight, so exciting! woot woot!
loves!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! to the moon and back bitch"

Loves to you too, bratt... to the moon and beyond the farthest stars!


Have an outstanding day! I am. thebear is right... it's good to have a reason to get up in the morning. I hope your reasons are half as great as mine... that would make you rich indeed.


  1. Well, I am very glad that worked out for all of you. He looks like one healthy happy kiddo.

    I don't think it usually works out that way. The sluts stay sluts and the drunks stay drunk, and while having a baby temporarily gives them romantic ideas and they say that they'll change, they don't. They just raise the next generation of sluts and drunks.

    It is good that somebody gets their happy ending. Especially the cute kiddo.

    Still, I am betting there was a lot of hard work involved.

  2. That is about as happy a story as could be! Congratulations on all things!

    And, as an addict (I like to say ex-addict, but some folks look askance at such terminology) I especially say congrats! I'm coming up on 20 years off of the powder, so I understand, believe me.

  3. laughing-- I think that you are right. IT is a very rare thing to have such a happy ending.

    And you are right too... ex-party girl raised a party girl. Fortunately we both cleaned up our acts! Hopefully that part was passed on too.

  4. Suldog-- I don't get why that ex-addict thing is looked at that way. Oh, I know they say once you are you are never un-addicted. But it takes strength and conscience choice to become an ex-addict. I think you have the right to claim it has no control over you anymore... that you are in control. Grumble.

  5. Grumble on, Ananda. I'm in full agreement.
    Great post.

  6. I forgot to ask how the school grades were.

  7. Hey Peggy! Thanks. It's a story worth telling I think.

    Good... people who kick it deserve respect!

  8. laughing-- Her grades have been very good. Right now she has a B in her writing class.
    Last semester she made "the president's list" as they call it at her college for honor level grades.

  9. Good job, Bear. I know the happy ending of your story wasn't easy for either of you, but I'm very glad it worked out.

    Nothing good in life is ever easy.

  10. Ananda G., I got the call from my little sis around noon time today that they are going to induce the pregnancy. Now I'm really nervous.

    ***sounds of fingernails being nibbled down to nubs***

  11. awwwww. what a beautiful story. All we want in life is hope and something to make us better than what we are. What better thing than a child to give us both of these things.

  12. Cube-- Oh boy... I'll chew on mine a bit for you. Inducing is harder on your body than natural labor...from my personal observation and experience. It's also faster. The best part is that mom and baby are watched more carefully. That was a bonus with Squeaky... they knew the moment that he had trouble and we got him the heck out of there!

    So rest easy... she will be well watched and baby too. Baby will be here soon. Very cool beans!

    Keep me posted!

  13. Bear is a wonderful writer...another obvious way in which she takes after her amazing mom. Congrats to her on taking charge of her life, cultivating a beautiful family, and continuing her education!

  14. bear - amazing story :-) yay for uncondiotional love!!! yay for sobriety!!!! yay for little boys who can really really open their mouths wide!!! yay yay yay!!!